I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
