my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize