Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
