I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
