Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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