i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
