Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
