I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
