i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
