me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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