This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
