Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
