at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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