i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
