I skipped work to stalk him.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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