Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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