Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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