I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
