my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
