Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
