I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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