Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
