I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize