I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
