the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
