I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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