i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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