Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Watching her eat just hurts me
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
