There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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