anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize