The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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