I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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