i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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