Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
