Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
