I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
