My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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