i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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