omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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