While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
