I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize