1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
