So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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