I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
