I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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