A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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