can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize