Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
