Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
