Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
