I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
