I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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