forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
