yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Actions speak louder than pants.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
