No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
