dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize