dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just cropdusted the office
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
