This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
