I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You're a waste of cheezeits
I AM VODKA MAN
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
