I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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