3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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