I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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