Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you will always have a special place in my vag
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
