i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
